Harriet and her "possee" strut their stuff
Wake up in a hot sweat in the middle of a dream about
Barack Obama.
Look over at
hideously white husband and frown.
Get up, kiss signed photo of
Fidel Castro ("
To Harriet: Keep Left! Love, Uncle Fidel") and put on trousers.
Take off trousers and put on red skirt.
Sit on gold-plated toilet and ring bank to check the promised donations have cleared.
Put on
white poppy.
Leave house in limo driven by
black chauffeur. Stop off at Job Centre and order all whites to go home as it's racist to take a job that an immigrant could do.
Arrive at House of Commons.
Notice that police officer on duty at gate is white and male. Ring Scotland Yard and demand he be replaced by a
lesbian Somali.
Attend debate about the financial crisis. Make a speech demanding that whereas white people who deposited money in Icelandic banks should
not be reimbursed, non-whites
must not only be fully reimbursed but also compensated for their trauma at the hands of racist white bankers.
Look out of office window and seethe with rage at the statue of
Churchill in Parliament Square. Ring Jacqui Smith and instruct her to replace
Churchill with
Stalin.
Harangue House of Commons office messenger for being white.
Admonish House of Commons Site Services for giving me a white phone.
Fly into a rage at House of Commons IT department for giving me a white monitor and a white keyboard.
Conduct interviews for researcher post.
Reject all
white candidates before they've sat down. Appoint non-English speaking, Al Qaeda supporting, Muslim woman just off the boat from Bangladesh.
Put on stab-proof vest, crash helmet and lead-lined combat trousers and go for a casual,
inconspicuous stroll in the constituency, accompanied by 10 policemen, 20 interpreters, a SWAT team and an SAS unit in a helicopter.
Arrive back at House of Commons and pour a large whisky. Drink it while fantasising about
Will Smith.Ring Labour Party HQ and instruct them that from now on all Labour candidates
must be black or Asian. Any non-gay whites wanting to be considered as candidates are to be reported to the police for racism (
current Labour MPs excluded).
Ring
Archbishop of Canterbury and enquire as to when work will begin on the conversion of Westminster Abbey into a mosque.
Ring police and
demand that all
BNP members be arrested.
Leave House of Commons and head home. Stop off at convenience store on the way and get
interpreter to buy another bottle of whisky.
Arrive home in gated estate.
Pour a large whisky and drink it while fantasising about
Trevor Phillips.
Ring Trevor Phillips and promise him a knighthood for services to diversity.
Look out of window and notice black youths hanging around. Open window and yell: "
This is a white area! Get back to Brixton! Bloody immigrants!"
Check husband is asleep.
Kiss signed photo of Enoch Powell ("
To Harriet: It'll be all Right in the end. Love, Uncle Enoch").
By Watling