Friday, 8 August 2008

Rhonda and the Gardener


"Come in Miss Appleton, keeping well"?

"Please take a chair. I see BBC Drama have sent you over for initial discussions re your book”

“Yes, that’s right”

“I understand they intend adapting your children’s book as a TV Series. What’s the title of the book”?

“Rhonda and the Gardener”

“Yes, Rhonda and the Gardener; now I believe it is set in the 1930’s, is that right”?

“Yes, the story is set in a very expensive boarding school for genteel young ladies, from well to do privileged families whose allegiance is to England, the flag, the English way of life, its traditions, customs, history, the King and the empire…......... well when we used to have an empire that is”

“Right! First off I can already foresee a small problem here”

“In what way”?

“Well we are obliged to use black children in the production”

“But hang on; this is set in the 1930’s in a small English seaside village. I hadn’t included any black children, because there weren’t any”

“Be that as it may, but we will still have to include 4 Caribbean’s and two Asians”

“But that will kill the authenticity of the whole story”

“Sorry BBC policy, 4 Caribs and two Asians”

“Now Simon, I am not a racist but…”

‘Let me interrupt you there Miss Appleton, none of us are racists but…that’s the law"

“Now look here treasure, I don’t want to appear flippant, but by the same token the Headmaster in my story might just as well be a stark naked Papuan Elder wearing exotic bird feathers with a bone through his nose and sporting a penis sheath for Christs sake”

“That’s very true Miss Appleton, and that is certainly a possibility that I and the program people cannot rule out and most certainly will explore at a later date”

“You are making a complete mockery of my whole story”

“Well as a conciliatory gesture let us see if we can meet you half way here"

"As a small compromise what if we change the location of the school to Birmingham set it in the 21st century in a government school, and then we can easily accommodate hundreds of kids of color”?

“You are totally mad. Haven't you read my book”?

"Well I am sorry Miss Appleton, love to help you, but if we can’t insert a half a dozen of kids of color it can't go to air simple as that... BBC policy"


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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I remember watching the recent series of "Robin Hood" on the BBC. There was an "ethnic" included in the cast. This thing goes on all the time.

Celtic Morning said...

The most blatant is the recent example in the ridiculous series Bone Kickers, or whatever its called. All the top brains, the important cast members, are either female, black or ethnic of some sort. I have never watched it, the "trailers" were enough for me. It was OK for Greg Dyke to once describe the BBC as "hideously white." And it was ok for the pathetic chairman of the Welsh Assembly talking shop to complain of looking at a "sea of white faces" before him in the Assembly building (which looks more like a posh shanty chicken shed)So its ok for me to now describe the BBC as "hideously black and sexist" and highly offensive to any clear thinking patriot who believes that Britons have a right to their homeland, uncluttered by the flotsam and jetsam of the worlds less civilised peoples. How much longer must we be forced to pay an exorbitant licenc fee to this establishment propaganda machine which used to be regarded, in the dim and very distant past, as a fairly impartial, honest source of news. You never hear an African politician complain of a "sea of black faces", rather, nations of Africa and Asia are busy making sure they ethnically cleanse themselves of western peoples and only western, white nations have become so emasculated that they renounce their heritage and history to place all manner of mumbo jumbo and lesser civilisations before their own.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it time we boycotted the BBC. I've been thinking for ages now, we wait until they have a program that they paid a lot of money for then all switch to another channel just as it's about to start. Would this work, would they know we're doing it?

Mike said...

"Isn't it time we boycotted the BBC", yes, except for Top Gear.
What other program on any of the terrestrial channels has three white British blokes who are unafraid of voicing their opinions?