Monday, 13 August 2007

Thames Valley Police and the Kiddy Cops

Imagine the scene if you will. A gang of teenager swigging from their flagons of cider beneath the underpass when along come two sixteen year old kids who inform the drinkers that they are going to confiscate their nectar of life. Wham, bam and a couple of kids running crying up the road with their bottoms spanked or worse.

Well it seems that Thames Valley Police have completely lost the plot and started to recruit children into their new Hitler Youth called Police Community Support Officers. You know the ones, you have seen them, usually seen wandering around in pairs. Apparently one of them is able to read and the other write. Hence the pairings. Well now the children of Thames Valley will presumably be taking time off school to become the new paid for police. Sleep peacefully Thames. The children are on patrol.

They will be given powers to guard crime scenes, issue penalty notices or detain suspects until police officers arrive. Visions of a little yellow clad runt clinging to the ankles of some giant thug whilst screaming Mammy spring to mind.

They will also be allowed to confiscate alcohol consumed in public despite being too young to drink and can direct traffic even though they cannot drive. Chaos on the horizon it seems.

They are undergoing training for their new roles, said Thames Valley Police.

"I can confirm that we have two 16-year-old recruits. This is well within the regulations set out for PCSOs.

"They reflect the community in which they serve, that includes all ages, genders and races.

And bingo, there it is. The madness revealed in all its glory. "They reflect the community in which they serve, that includes all ages, genders and races." Completely and utterly barking mad.

The British National Party would make all Chief Constables stand for election thus enabling the mad maniacs to be be removed by the people they are supposed to serve instead of promoting crazy house political ideas. If you think children should be in school instead of on the streets start voting BNP. Mind how you go and try not to trip over the police officer.


Felicity said...

Ah but perhaps this "yoof" police force reflects the community they serve and will bitch slap you for parking in the wrong part of the hood or drive by and shoot you for putting your rubbish in the wrong bin?
Not so funny now eh?
Or perhaps they will truly reflect the boss community by beating up women for leaving the house without a veil?

Anonymous said...

you beat me to it green

I heard this on the R4 Toady prog (i know what i said and it isn't a mis-spelling) and I couldn't believe it.

They get to confiscate alcohol even though the're too young to drink and get to direct traffic but they're too young to drive

Celtic Morning said...

Will they be given an allowance for fresh nappies every time they confront one of our subculture, underclass thugs?

L'éminence grise said...

One is tempted to wonder aloud what the phrase "all genders" means. I recall from high school biology that there were only two.

Perhaps this is merely grammatical shorthand. Let us hope.

The Green Arrow said...

L'eminence. Well picked up. I missed that.

Celtic. Frightening stuff hey? Are they completely insane.

Anonymous said...

Should allow the real "officers" some time off from fighting crime to catch some more motorists though.

Helena said...

It begs the question "will anyone notice"?
Many serving officers give the impression of slight build, weedy effemiacy and short stature. Vouicing suspicians as to which gender they may be could get you artrested.
Not a job for a strong rugby playing son of a tradesman any more.