Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Don't worry. There won't be a Tsunami In Cardiff Bay

by john of gwent

I thought I would cut and paste an article I have just put on my own blog.

Hot off the press from the BBC News Wales Website is the news that this man who will, they say, later today, kick off the Large Hadron Collider, has promised there will be no Tsunami in Cardiff Bay this morning. Or this afternoon.

Hmmm.

As a raw recruit to the ranks of the scientific profession, with the ink still wet on the piece of paper headed "Universitas Cambrensis" granting me "Baccalaureus Im Scientia Magna Cum Laude" I recall picking up a copy of The Sun from the tea room. Yes, we had the printed word in those days. On the front page was a Sun style enlargement of a very grainy greyscale photograph. A prototype of the sort of photograph now handed round offices across the country by grinning mums-to-be. And underneath that, in typical "Soaraway Sun 48 Point Type" were three little words :-

"IT'S A BOY"

About a fortnight later LOUISE BROWN was born.

You have no idea how much I hope that the stories peddled over the past few days by the successors of those journalists who couldn't tell an umbilical cord from a penis are equally flawed.

But if you'll excuse me, I'm off to prepare to kiss my arse goodnight. Because the chap above is absolutely right. There will be no tsunami in Cardiff Bay, because if it does go horribly wrong all the earth's seawater will fall through the event horizon (!) And remember folks, dive in head first. That way the last thing that will go through your mind will be YOUR arsehole. Jump in feet first and the last thing that will go through your mind is thje arse of some like-minded stranger.

But I leave you today with the following two rather pleasant thoughts.

First, if everything does turn to shit later today, the EU commissioners will go down the black hole into non-existence a few millionths of a second before we do. So the BNP will have delivered on their policy. An independent Britain will stand proud and free of the EU. Briefly.But second, and better than that, we die knowing Alistair Darling won't get a sodding penny in inheritance tax.

Ok people. It has been a pleasure and a privilege blogging for you. I am going outside now, to work. I may be gone for some time. On the other hand I may be back. Who knows.

5 comments:

The Green Arrow said...

If we do fall through the event horizon JOG, does that mean all our debts will be canceled out?

Nah. Your good mate. I'll see you on the other side.

I think Hawkins said that the chances of us being black holed were something ridiculous. Then again so are the chances of winning the lottery and yet people do win.

Hold hands everybody.

Sarah Maid of Albion said...

LOL!! Well, it seems we all survived (so far) but who knew that when they pressed the button?

tomorrow belongs to mo said...

Mad social scientist Gordon McBroon, who gained fame by transmuting Britain's gold reserves into base metal, and creating a debt black-hole massive enough to swallow up a year's GDP, has announced his latest project.

The Large Multi-Culti Collider will send millions of Muslims and kuffars whirling in opposite directions on a collision course. McBroon's robotic technician, Harriet the Harmoid said "We expect to see lots of big bangs when this becomes fully operational."

johnofgwent said...

Well I'm still here. Although Isaac Asimov's novel 'The Gods Themselves' predicted a machine that appeared to work, yet messed with the forces holding matter together, with fairly predictable ends. I hear it will be a few years before this machine gets going, or fully achieves its potential.

But I confess wacky thought of the week has to be awarded to 'tomorrow belongs to mo' there.

The Green Arrow said...

But are you still here JOG?

The actual impact of the atoms is not due until around end of October I believe. For now they are just being shot around gaining speed.