Need to bump someone off ? Afraid a Post Mortem will reveal all ? Then Poison them in Greater Manchester

by john of gwent (whose bathroom has wireless internet !!)

GA I wonder if we've two-handedly discovered a plot to poison the remainder of the white citizens of this principality. Or maybe it was last night's dodgy chili. Either way this story caused a few rumblings of its own in my subconscious ......

Sometimes I think I should see if "you-couldnt-make-it-up.blogspot.com" is available. If it is, I'm having it, right now. And here's what will be its maiden blog entry. I recently went for a surf around the motley collection of well balanced voices of reason that inform the multi-cultured enrichers of our society. And just look what I found on the front page of Manchester's "Asian News".

"BEREAVED families in Greater Manchester who object to post mortem examinations on religious grounds will be able to opt for an electronic body scan instead. Coroners are backing an initiative spearheaded in Bolton to give greater choice to relatives. Some faiths, particularly Muslim and Jewish, are uncomfortable with invasive post mortem examinations."

The scans cost £500. But if you can persuade the coroner of your distress at the thought of your nearest and dearest being hacked about, divvy up half a grand and they will be popped under the latest offering from Star Trek instead.

Now to be fair, the Coroner is only interested in getting to the root of the cause of death and it does not matter to them how that truth is arrived at. And I have to say the damage done by an eight inch knife blade punching a hole in the left ventricle and causing you to come to a spectacularly bloody end is just as obvious on such a scan as it is if I fetch a black and decker, rip open your ribcage and have a good rummage about.

So what's my beef ? Well, only this.

When I was a research scientist I knew of a good half dozen ways that I could help you shuffle off this mortal existence, none of which would ever show up with the standard technology available to the pathologists lab at the time. I personally availed myself of the close association between my research group and the Forensic Science Service over my time in this line of research to ensure that few if any could make use of my research for such purposes and get away with it, even if they could get hold of the materials.

But deep in my mind there remains this nagging doubt that someone, somewhere, who has stepped into my former line of work, or someone who is just an interested amateur, could still have a lucky break and manage to find a way to do away with an unwanted arranged bride so as to collect the insurance money, or dispose of a troublesome daughter with minimal damage to the family honour.

If all it takes is a couple of wails of allah's name and a quick exchange of crisp twenties in order to get a "there you go sir cremation ok for you" response with no-one left any the wiser, then we are surely going to regret stepping down this road of appeasement.

Tags: John of Gwent