Sunday, 17 May 2009

"Norvege Nil Points"

by johnofgwent

I regret to say I have this morning developed a deep and probably longlasting hatred of the BBC.

Five minutes ago I knew as much about this year's Eurovision Song Contest as Cortez cared about the establishment of an International Court of Human Rights. I studiously avoided al contactwith BBC1 yesterday, locking it out of the favourites on my TV remote lest I accidentally see a trailer. I went out to a pub last night prized in equal measure for for its real ale AND its lack of TV and jukeboxes.

I went to bed a Eurovision Virgin, blissfully ignorant of anything of this ridiculous ritual. But five minutes ago I pointed my browser at the BBC News Front Page. And as I did, the BBC stole away my innocence without the slightest warning.

DAMN !!! BLAST !!!!

ARSE !!!


I now know that Norway won the Eurovision Cong Contest. Oh well.

There was a time when I found this this sham of a debacle interesting. Europe was a continent of mystery beyond our seas, a place to which only reckless adventurers and even more reckless cross channel swimmers ventured. It was a place from which heroes had come in ships to trade, and bring faith, but also place from which villains set sail to conquer and to plunder. That time was about 1964 and the above test card faded to show a grainy Katie Boyle microphone in hand on a 405 line TV.

There was a time when I found it amusing. The more I understood about the vagaries of broadcast television, the more it became a wonderment when Wogan made it from start to finish without a breakdown in one of more of the telephone and satellite links. The inevitable "amd now the votes from the outer mongolian jury" piece to camera followed by deathly hush and cracking static on the line from places too exotic to have proper telephones.

And then began the decline into what it now stands for, a symbol of everything the multicultural enrichers and enlargers of Europe have wet dreams about.

I remember watching it decades ago when Israel first had an entry. My father exclaimed "What the hell are they doing ytaking part in a EUROPEAN competition". I'm sure someone, somewhere has an answer to that. Indeed I'm sure I read the answer in some apologist newspaper in response to a tirade of similar angry voices, for in those days some people still cared about this sorry shambles.

Until ten minutes ago the last thing I heard about Eurovision was that Terry Wogan had washed his hands of it as a result of it being a model of the corruption at the heart of the European Union. Even our stalwart broadcasters had decided the shambes was too strong to stomach.

But now I know. The first Eurovision winner of the Post-Wogan era is .... Nowway. And there was me thinking it would have been the Republic of Ireland with "My Lovely Horse"

Oh well.

There's probably a joke somewhere in here about a country that got "nil points" from the voters still winning after the Council of Europe has adjusted the votes of women in accordance with sharia law and the votes of ethnic minorities in accordance with the diktat of Chairperson Harman.

Except that I'm not laughing. I think in 21 days time they'll apply the same adjustments to the European Union Elections.