Wednesday, 19 August 2009

From the Eyes of an RWB Witness.

By the Informer.

This is not Hearsay.

After attending a relaxing Friday at the RWB and an even more relaxing evening in the ‘Hanging Gate’, enjoying fine grub and real ale that would have had JoG salivating. I retired to the sublime comfort of a family run farmstead B&B 8 miles from the site.

Up early to a splendiferous breakfast a tubby West Midlands councillor and myself drove off early to the Bash.

A quarter of a mile away from our destination our route was barred by some 30 or so odd looking creatures and watched over by the same number of reluctant looking coppers.

Every 10 minutes or so a few more cretins were shepherded into the roadblock by the now compliant police.

Being of the many poor souls that rely upon external fitments for my ablutions, and having queued for nearly an hour, I was becoming desperate. Approaching an hofficer for relief, I was silenced without even making a murmur. I opened my mouth again and was commanded to ‘go back to your car lad’.

Now whether this was uttered in order to enflame me or not I do not know. But being wise, I lingered momentarily then gave a death glance to the mouthpiece.

With great restraint I shuffled away without risking being turned into a pillar of salt.

Unruffled and upon discovering a convenient receptical I discretely make a deposit in the hedged local bank at the side of the road. Ho Hum.

20 minutes later a camera crew turned up and the police made a great orchestrated show of parting the waves of UAF’s. As I drove through a mountainous dark fellow wearing orange dreadlocks flew at my car. Unfortunately for her and luckily for him a diminutive WPC was in the way, and together they splattered into my door. Several expletives later from the rozzers and I regained enough composure to continue only to see the blaggard shoved back into the throng without admonishment or a severe truncheoning.

Now there we are. Here is the moral.

The Police create or allow a situation to arise. Make a great show of bringing it under control and as a result alienate hundreds of locals, who saw through the tactic. Solve their fabricated problem, and then go home satisfied.

Well blinking heck what a topping way to enjoy a Saturday morning.

Hope my deposit did not cause the Inspector any problems when he went to retrieve his galoshers from the hedge!

And no need to mention the 15 grand an hour for the chopper is there?